Probably my favorite movie. Atleast very high upon the list. " Ordinary People" starring Timothy Hutton, Mary Tyler Moore and Donald Sutherland. It deals with the perils of growing up depressed and how the family copes. It takes a realistic look at suicide and what makes a person want to go that road. Being a person who suffers from severe depression this film always brings out so many emotions in me. I won't deny there have been times where i could have easily seen my end. Even today, as an adult i have days where i expend all of my energy just to get the thought out of my head. I made a very serious effort to end everything when i was 24. It wasnt your typical cry for help type scenario. I didn't indicate to anyone and i filled myself with enough booze and pills i was certain i wouldn't wake up.
I woke up. Bloody and in pain. It didnt work, so i left it there. My instinct to live must have been stronger than my will to die that night. I don't think i could ever get that far again but because of my depression my brain does sometime tease me. But the instinct kicks in. and it does get tiring at times but this movie kinda helps because even in death there is no way out.
Right now in my life i have a million daggers stuck inside me. So much pain, sadness and abandonment. It's when the fight begins. Waking up and wanting to just lay there. Hoping i die in my sleep. Just getting out of my bed and dressed can be more demanding than my very fast paced and physical job. There's so much emptiness, loniless, redundancey. Makes me manic. makes me a little "off" but i guess the message in this movie is that there are no "ordinary people". and i can take some solace in that. i hope this makes sense.
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