my diagnosis.

a random thought before i begin: Bob's Burgers is the most unfunny show in the fucking world. Holy crap it sucks. ive seen better writing in 3rd grade special ed. hot garbage. this show is hot garbage!

I have Wiley Coyote syndrome. It's where i keep falling for the same stupid shit and getting hurt over and over again. How many anvils must fall on my head before i learn!? i must have smashed my face in that painted tunnel on the side of the mountain atleast 42 times. No more. I say this: Road Runner. run free, keep fuckin going. i'm not gonna destroy myself trying to catch you anymore. I'm gonna hang out by this shadowy rock and kill pheasants. It's no longer funny that my pain is your gain roadrunner! People.....i mean roadrunners have this lovely habit of letting me get close enough until they have the strength and speed to carry on themselves. and as im lulled my leg gets snapped by a bear trap and they never look back. After one instance i should have known better so i take responsibility for the rest. And that is why i bid farewell to my pursuit of the roadrunner. Cuz im outta of breakable bones. and hearts. ACME stopped making them when the recession of 08' hit. meep meep!

( coyotes arent smart. i bet this one will be in hot pursuit the minute he catches whiff of the bird.)

propagation, not propaganda. spread love not hate!

im just gonna put this out there....i feel if i were gay and james franco were gay we'd make a good couple.

and now a poem that will be completely impossible to decipher unless you have secret access to my brain. ( im talking to you Ross Perot, and you know what i want. get your ass back in the political arena!)

the dandilions, the dandilions, are gonna start to grow. melting away winter, pedals wave goodbye to snow. perennials, perennials i think you are swell. so hurry up and blossom, the earth is starting to smell. oh daffodil, daffodil, lets climb the grassy hills. there's plenty of chlorophyll, i may be allergic but i carry Benadryl. Nettles, sweet nettles, i hold you most dear. Let us grow together and rule the whole year. There's a muskrat with a twitch, a sandwhich for the picnic and some frogs for me to lick. i wanna be high, high on earth, drunk on oxygen and hungover from fertile dirt. seeds, lovely seeds, planted inside me. a vegetative state, but no complacency.  a poor kid i know this, but i got an orchid and a lotus and a smile few can notice. Oh Lily oh lily ,  i know it seems silly but i wait for you to grow even when its chilly. i dont need a coat, ive got your embrace, im warm with affection, as my roots take place. i'll be the one waiting with the lilacs on my face.

that was it. hahahahahahha.

Boxes

Back in 2006 while @ Peet's coffee i worked with this wonderfully intelligent, shining light of a girl name Oana. Originally from Romania she was a student at Wellesely college. So many incredible perspectives and ideas ran through her mind. She really was brilliant and we shared many great conversations. One of the few people in the world i have or ever will let behind the chaotic wall that protects me. Well she ended up graduating with her Physics degree and went over to France to Teach. Before she left she gave me a home made postcard with this incredible poem revolving around the concept of different boxes. she even drew boxes all over the card. We spoke on the phone a bit while she was in France but i never got to give her my reply. I wrote her a poem, probably my favorite to this date. Aptly titled " Boxes". This one is for Oana Ivan. The most interesting person ive ever met.


The stars eternal, still shine. Illimunating thoughts in lost one's mind. Untaimed and maimed, wounded souls with no names. Looking to stake a claim in the heart with bloodless veins. I peer across horizons, through dark nights to sun's rising. Surprised having realized the way she looked at me so innocently. It hushed the inner cries. i caught a tear escaping telling a story, i listenened. her complexion glistened. Is this what was missing? Like a head on collision, stuck between the truth and a vision. Burned and returned from excursive expeditions. Better to be a shadow than a blinding indecision. I'll stand behind my premonition. How many stars wait till we're dead to gleam bright? too late for hindsight my mind's right, scars mean we put up a fight. Close the box tight. I wish i was the moon tonite.
I feel a storm, her heart warm, but when she passed through i'll be tattered and torn. Into repetition im born. A thorn to the rose, please don't mourn. For i live for the pouring rain and dark havens. I cave in beneath the wings of a raven, wash upon the shore, nevermore. My eyes closed, no longer exposed or dispose, what you need to hear is disclosed between the coffin and a rose. Bury me deep in your embrace. The thorns are to protect, lets go to a place where its safe from the cruel and inept. Hurry, my pills are clockin in for their shift, breathe in peace before i'm relieved in bliss. i told her i was tired and my desire's to quit, she smiled back, gave me an empty box and opened it.....
I could fill it with thoughts, untying stomach knots, crawling from the cold of my cemetery plot. Sometimes i think outside the box, but you'll always be locked in my memory. the safest spot. Beauty like you couldn't be store bought. Confined in my mind i resign under the star lit designs. The empty box i fear to fill except mine. solid pine. But im gonna wait along time till we're at the stop sign of the cross roads where all is defined. You told me copper was gone, that your name meant " John". i learned of protons, electrons and hydrogen bombs. I implode. Just when we connected it was time for you to go. So i dropped a thought in the box and sent it first class to where our paths again shall pass, i may be your past, a car crash. you all wanna watch but noone stops. My eyes dew drops as i do drop. Keep the box. I lay lost beneath a lacerated sky, bleeding on the day love died. Close the lid, ignore the sigh. When opportunity knocks i trip falling short, im too high. Immunity from heartbreak, Pardon me she said " goodbye".Losing interest like cashed in investments, boxed in a corner im paying for my transgression, Oana i miss your expression. She swam like a fish, and couldn't hear the final question. The empty box folds, laying on top. it's cold. I cant sleep. she's 4000 miles gone and im beneath the floor's creak. You were so different no comparison, please know i'm not dead. it's all too embarrassing. i count back from one, send a message with the rising sun, box is full, packing done. i know you gotta run for he who invented love holds the smoking gun. But your spirit firmly planted keeping my heart glued. I put myself in that box and now it belongs to you.

a broken heart.

my heart is not a starfish, stop fuckin breaking it and burying it in marshes next to the dead rat carcass
It cant grow back! its been framed, i got an arrested cardiac, and an unsavory name. You lack jurisdiction but over the line you came. Now your numb and havin fun, i'm fuckin writhing in pain. and i don't need no sympathy. im not a damsel with syncope. there's no trail of blood that you can link to me unless its the blood you tried to drink from me. i took off the mask cuz you asked as you walked past and faster than the flash of the light that emassed as you mixed blood with my tears as you jammed glass in my lash. it was a hundred yard dash you were gone quicker than burning ash beneath the tidal wave crash. my body soaked, water logged, off into the fog you disappeared like god. a full on fraud. laid me to rest after i gave you my all. I needed more than aspirin for maskin after broke my heart katherine. i lay inside myself without a hope, without a passion.

prescience aint all its cracked up to be.

since ive been in High School ive been writing poems. i would rewrite certain ones until i thought they were perfect. I began to keep a notebook of said final drafts. a couple years ago i left this notebook at a friends thinking i would never see it again. I obsess over this notebook because it's like my little sanctuary, i hide in it's pages and re-live different days. Well fate finally returned this book to me last nite which is great cuz i have some more final drafts i want to add to it. Here is a poem i wrote in November 2006.

Am I a liar, or am i the lie? Am I words I've spoken inside the promises broken? Does the love in the air bring wind to the ocean? Revolving door aspirations, flooding the ruminations, drowning me effortlessly, i was just your vacation. The rain now fierce, kharma spitting in my face, a full blown tidal wave takes me back to empty space. My contribution, nothing more than pollution, i can swim but i'm high on confusion, green pills and broking wings down the whirlpool of delusion. I'll never escape the wave. a slave to my wreckless ways. Let my body hit the shore, you're not the same as you were before, behind the door your safe while i'm barely awake. You dealt me my fate, under the bridge and freezing rain i wait. I am the plague, the tragedy on stage, my debts won't soon be paid during this season of decay.

I found myself, exfoliation. dead in hell, and heart's still aching upon a star where the leaves fell. waiting in an empty shell. Eternity, a moment away, the fires of reality burn with a new day. Smoke filled skies shows a man on the edge of his demise, choking back the tears, taste the embers as i sigh. Sullen and sloped. Am i the black hole at the end of the rope? an abyss to a meaningless kiss, frozen in emptiness, a frost bitten bliss. fates cruel hand chosen by the perilous. I brought hurt, lost innocense, cut my wrist in self defense. Born of a shadow behind a rusted fence. And i watch love fall like ashes, crumbling apart into a heartless bastard. Running in place you're getting smaller faster. I'm still dying, happily ever after. Descend beneath the clouds, alone i stay. weathered from the destruction from your season of decay. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, to all the parallels. i don't believe in fairy tales, so i'll see you in hell.

the dying season.

It's Spring, but i am Autumn. Death all around, top to bottom. The winds are paralyzed, there's streams in my eyes. Tree's stand in silence as i walk by. My soul is winter pavement, my heart's about to cave in, no hair on my arms but i feel like shavin'. goin up the highway, followin my ghost. listenin to " my way" as i slowly approach. i gotta bottle of water and a hand written note. lions fight in my stomach and there's still a desert in my throat. 
I try on many scales, i fail. outlined on the sidewalk with out any detail. There's an empty seashell and a train that's derailed, the river's dead dont bother with the sail. i walk the tracks with pine and nails, into the valley where the sun impales. a somber journey, comes to it's hault. put down the magnifying glass, it's nobodys fault. the strongest of rocks are nothing but piles of salt. No heart in the vault. the safe has been cracked. winter may be gone, but it always comes back.

and that was my sad poem. it is the most positive and productive way to relieve myself of negative emotion. It helps put things in perspective, sharpens my writing and vocabulary skills and it makes me stronger. the tone may be sad. but the writer is not.........for now...dun dun dun!!!!

a poem by daniel rivers.

             i like trees cuz they have bark, just like dogs but not as smart.
             some trees are tall and some are wide, some grow in forests and some inside
             i climbed a tree when i was young, i made it to the top where the birds all sung.
             i hummed along, i felt like i belonged. me and the birds sang a dozen happy songs.
             we sang about clouds, we sang of the sky, we sang really proud with a glimmer in our eyes
            
             i like ferns cuz they are red, there was a book about ferns in which i read.
             it was sorta sad but i learned alot, so guess what i went out that and day and bought?
            bought me a fern in a fancy pot, put it by the window near a sunny spot. It was healthy
            its leaves shined, man i was happy that fern was mine :)

             i like plants that grow in rocks, man i wished that my plants talked. I went to the store
              guess what i bought? i got me some plant designed socks. Spider plants they like to chill
               from the top of my window to the bottom of the sill. they like rain, they like sun, if i had the
              money id buy plants for everyone. so many colors so many leaves, be thankful to the plants cuz
              they help us breathe :0)