a recipe for hate.

It's not often that i have a moment of clarity. Usually I'm ranting about what wrestling moves I'm going to do on people who piss me off or I'm talking about what MILF shopper at my work i want to copulate with on either a bouncy house or their $6000 couch. But today I came home from work and just took a deep breath. Soaked the world in. I see a lot of chaos, destruction, sadness, injustice and a LOT of hate. I'm not a perfect man. I am the contrary. I have sporadic outbursts, irrational thoughts and misdirected rage. I manifest all that through impulsive writing or actions that usually express my discontent with the human race. Despite my apparent disdain and dislike for most i DO NOT have hate in my heart. For anyone.
Hate is the action of fear when people fail to investigate their fear with an open mind. Hate is when you deny yourself the alleviation of fear by simply accepting that not everyone is the same. Hate is turning outward what you let dwell inward. Facing a fear can be difficult and encompassing. It doesn't make you weak if you realize you were wrong. It makes you human. It means you're learning and that is part of the process of evolution and growing as a species. Learn about your neighbor, your community and those who look different than you. Take a few moments to actually get to know another person and all that fear will be washed away. Your anger will subside and soon peace will dwell inward. That's what everyone wants i reckon.
We're all working toward something, there's just so many different ways to get there. Just because my way may not be the same as yours doesn't make you better, or me a bad person. It just works for me. And if something works for you, good. We all want peace in our lives. We all have a struggle that we go through daily to achieve that peace. And i can't hate someone for believing different than me. I can't hate someone for preaching different than me, or liking different food, women, sports, music, art than me. Because stripped down, we all just wanna feel complete. We all wanna be loved. We all just wanna make it through the day. Why can't you just let someone make it through the day?
That racist asshole in the white robe who fucks his sister and his dog on the back porch every night, he wants peace. He doesn't realize that the men he hates work as hard as him to support their families and do them right. He doesn't realize that those same men struggle to make ends meet and are being held down by the same green giant that is crushing 99% of us year in and year out.
 That young kid on the street corner slinging dope in one of those cool black puffy jackets that i can't afford, he wants peace. He's just been disenfranchised by a society that labels him before he even knows who he is himself. He's put in a cycle where no one expects anything more of him than slinging dope and residing in jail cells. He's just slinging dope to help his mom out because she's working two jobs to support the family cuz dad skipped out. He's trying to better his family and bring himself peace despite the bullshit label put on him by the 1% who tossed him and his kind out to sea without a life raft then turned their yachts back to shore. Despite that all, these people who are completely different get up each day and defy the odds. They show heart and courage. Their fear and hate hold them back and this is why it's important to the man in the white robe and the kid on the corner that they're not all that different. They're just trying to get by. Different approaches but both desire the same result. We can all achieve that result if we just move that fucking barrier between us labeled "hate".
Different groups of people have hurt others for centuries on over. Inexcusable hurt. Ignorant, deplorable fucks. But we can't judge one person based on what a group of people have done. We can't let that near sightedness be the nail we drive in our coffins.  It's so goddamn easy to say " I hate all fucking Muslims. They're nothing but terrorists who want to cut our heads off and take away our bacon!" You can't judge an entire people based on their bad seed's acts. And for the record, i don't even hate the bad seeds. It's too much effort.
I can't occupy what little i have on this earth dwelling on those who have hurt me. No matter what, i will fight them with love. I will punch them in the fucking face if they get too close, but i will still love them. My ex wife cheated on me on my fucking birthday and when i called her on it she tossed me aside and left me to start my life over from the fucking depths of hell. I literally had nothing and she continued to pile on coal to the flames. I climbed back, and i still love her. The Nurse who was THE one destroyed my heart and soul and ruined me for all other women, but i still love her, because she loved me like no one on this earth ever has. She was there. She hates me now, but that's her burden. Same for the ex-wife. I should hate them. I should super kick both of them off the Empire State Building onto a burning taxi cab, but the hate is too consuming.  I should hate my father for walking out before my first Christmas and then barely showing up when i was a child. I don't. I love him. I watched him die and told him i love him. I could have easily told him what a piece of shit he was. What a lousy parent, and shit provider he was. I could have told him he wasn't a man and then curb stomped him on the bumper of Dodge Ram. Not even that fucking cunt Renee Julien who molested me when i was 8. Stole my fucking innocence and got away with it. I don't and can't hate her. I fucking pity her because she will live an empty goddamn life and wilt away into dust like the kind she smokes. I could punch her in the face in rage but I don't have that kind of energy, man.

I may hate what someone did, but i will not hate them. Blacks, Whites, Muslims, Jews, Atheists, Latinos (and even those fucking nut job Mormons who probably need some kind of psych meds and electro shock therapy to make them wake up and realize they're idiots. ) Russians and so on all want peace. Just in different ways. We have to accept the other's ways. We don't have to like their methods, and we don't have to use their methods. And maybe one day, if everyone breaks down their self imposed barriers and sees that we're all just trying to get by on this planet we can come to a common and shared method that doesn't include hate or intolerance. Just the basics: Love, compromise and sex. Thank you for reading!

everything in perspective.

I used to love sailing until my ship floated on. Now i'm nauseous by the waves and the shore they crash upon.
I'm sure I've crashed along with the throngs of misguided souls following an out of key siren's song. Blinded by the guise that the wheel would always roll. I was wrong,
but  how i loved you, you could never know, because weakness is a virtue i chose not to show.
I still battle today. Standing guard over an invisible shell upon the graves where the decaying memories dwell.
Shit, i wasn't even after thought. Living off the radar counting empty spots in an abandoned parking lot. Read between the lines. You may always be the one, but you're ten minus nine.

Exile

If i'm as cold as a glacier it's cuz you left me out at sea. I am that island sinking in your complacency. i don't wanna die from feeling of inadequacy, if i killed myself it would be so you would stop misplacing  me. My veins burst like live wires while the heat's chasing me. as i melt like plastic wrap in your jaded memory.
i am more than just a figure of speech. I'm a hurricane meandering toward the beach. The climate's changed and i'm longer outta reach. I won't let you see my eye before I've made you obsolete. You believe in freedom , by not my right to speak? well please bend over and put your tongue in my cheek. I'm in exile, but i'm in great company.
There's a pencil sharpener on my wall. I keep my weapon primed. everyone wants a pound of flesh from a moment of my time, and when they get what they came for i'm exiled to sky lines. But when i pierce their brains with led , the words they spread wolf cries. Leave me to be devoured, in to the belly of the beast. Exiled in to freedom, thank you for killing me.

Drawn and Quarted.

Under a blanket of clichés , i toil the night away. I gotta fake that i'm asleep, so my soul can keep from burning up on concrete. Tied to my hands and feet, the rope melts into my skin. Dragged to oblivion until i'm next to everything. The vultures and vampires toast at the bonfire and my chimney is dry. No sculptures or spare tires, I'm built up to fall flat. And if i died the horses, they'd still run until my skin burned to ash on prairie grass.
The rope burns my spirit until my will fades. Even in death they wanna take me away. My eyes are chalky, i see no end. A sullen portrait bent on a park bench. No minute to breathe before the fuckin ropes clench. Use my strength, wear me down, you're not my cause but i keep you around. Maybe if i don't make a sound? Maybe if i just whisper? Maybe if i had 5 minutes alone i wouldn't miss her? So many blisters, I climb and claw to reach my own path. Drawn and quartered my halves become halves like i'm all that they have. Being strong for them all, with no time to grow scabs, and heal all the wounds from being beaten and dragged and hailed like a cab. I just wanna get high and take a long nap. Am i allowed to be upset or you the only who can be sad? I guess it's a stretch. Drawn and quartered to death. I've got a great hiding place for my ghost beyond where my secrets are kept. The closed book fooled you with its glass cover.

soon it returns......

Allergic to Oak

And the sun rose today. Shining on you and the shadow on the grave.
The hourglass a bitter sweet sand to a sour past.
Rain showers last in memories.
Acorns falling, saying "bury me"
But please do it under a cherry tree,
I got an allergy to oak, my eye is broke as I watch them hang my effigy.
And if I had an ounce of cowardice I would leave them all powerless,
in a pool of blood next to me.

I've got an allergy to oak, my heart is broke,
beating to the sound of a bent card in the spokes.
Riding the wave. The shadow on the grave.
The cork scented smoke, angry incense and the moldy cave.
So close but out of the picture. A moment in time, a broken glass slipper.
A rotting pumpkin on a rusted stoop as the clock hit midnight and the porch light flickered.
And if I had an ounce of cowardice I'd tie a rope to a branch and fly out of this.

And the sun rose on tired oak. It shed some dust that made me itch, water and choke.
I got an allergy and a drying coat. So I shed the skin and cleared my throat.
 Steady traffic on the lower hill, I'm up here with only time to kill.
But I don't believe in murder, and I'm not a coward. So I took the time to fill the pot of blooming flowers.
Seems what I seek so close but outta reach. I had it all now it's just me,
a cactus and umbrella tree. I'm allergic to oak.

The Homage

Nobody can crush a soul like you. Can give life to a vice on a sleepless night like you. Your words carry me through fields of dismay. Atop the trees, I'm with the breeze as your voice sends the storm away. You are the interstate in which my mind wanders. My destination unknown but the heart grows fonder. The days grow longer as your notes do reflect. There's a parallel between life and the sunset. the inspired fire which burns in the mortal sublets. You are the cooling effect.
Nobody can perk the mind like you. Can get the coil to unwind like you. Your thoughts guide the lost to a place they forgot. Your words are home, a sanctuary for the desolate periods in a run on poem. You don't cast a shadow by choice as you stand with the strangers where the moss is moist. Your humanity the only true rival to your voice. Nobody can crush a soul like you, and that is why I gathered the pieces scattered around the world by you, strewn them as words of gratitude for every peaceful afternoon or wide awake moon that I lived cuz of you. This is the homage.