Lost beneath the screams. they validated the nightmare while ignoring my dreams. Their waves of ambivalence turned me to sediment. you want proof there's no god!? I'm the fuckin evidence. my mind is my residence, not theyd notice. a patched crack in the family tenemant. it's quiet, must mean he's here. grab another beer and drink till we think clear. weigh their problems on competing scales, " shut the fuck up, back to your room". feeding their monster while i starved to fail.
i couldnt even think when the fighting began. i jumped in my head and i ran and i ran. counting the days...the minutes the seconds, i forgot how to sleep, i ran out of weapons. my mind raced so fast i sped through the lessons. all that's left were the motions. crawling inside with the hope, the notion, that i would be free...but everything passed. i had no future because they ruined my past.
They swept me away when Rene had her way. 8 yrs 4 months and 22 days. She said "get on top" or i couldnt play. i did what she asked and masked my scare face. i did what was told, the letter, the pace. my mind wouldnt race, i was stuck in that place and no one kept me safe! I never had a say, mom was supposed to protect me. and even though she's always here on that day she fuckin left me. And i tried to speak, voice cracked and weak no issue pressed but her breast on my cheek. they never fought, cared what i thought. Lost in the shuffle, thoughts that are muffled, i dont know where i am, what to do, dan i dont love you. no past, present, future, no identity, just a forgotten severence. You want proof there's no god. I'm the evidence.
No comments:
Post a Comment