dead, rivers

my posture has sunk. They set fire to my sail. I'm capsizing in the dead sea. The only thing living is me. I'm surrounded by ghosts, demons and smoke. The night fell before day ever broke. And my pain isn't just pretty words to sadistic eyes.  my smile isn't happiness, i just became the disguise. My hope cannot float in a sea in which i wrote, For I've known all along that hope is a hoax. A bent card in the spokes. humming an anecdote about a boy jumping rope. No one on either end. That's how its always been. i finally see the truth as the fog ascends.......And through the years of pain i escaped, by writing words. From the worst i was deterred. i escaped my darkest days. But i see what lie's a head and I've no more words to say.....

I've died so many times in my mind. My thoughts have turned on me. My impulse at its whim. making blood spin in my skin a cyclone of anger and sadness and sin. Begging the knife to jump the fuck in! It wants to see light, oh glorious light. A quandary. An everlasting plight.  They've carved their list of demands in my arms. An orca, a pumpkin and the angel's alarmed. The chaos and ruin , she's forced to look over. A spider web, some dead roses and a burning cobra.
I need her, and she knows. The darker Celtic sun and a phoenix mid pose. I'm stuck in my prose. I can't juxtapose. I just take the pills till my eyes are forced closed. Asleep in my clothes thoughts meander in space. I dream of completion in infinity's grace. A den amount to life's sentence. A dim light on a porch and a tree for remembrance.   There's a gun to my heart and the suffering's back. There's a city in ruins and a blood thirsty cat. Clawing away through the days. Stalling inside the mind's maze. There's uppers and downers and ideas afloat. There's a calm in the air, song bird on my throat. I've been choking on my blood since the last of my heart broke. I see the paint on the wall and it needs a new coat.

My scars are my bible.

My hate dies with you! I can be free. i can be destined for something more than mediocrity. Left in a fucking gutter for the world to slaughter me. Dead on arrival , no mother or god , just an instinct for survival. My scars are my bible.
Ive built a wall out of every broken promise, a lock without a key and a Happy Face on it. You chose the bottle first,then every man under your skirt, we washed the kitchen floors with comet cuz you made us feel like dirt.  Just accessories that were given bare necessities. All these demons in my head you offered no remedy. Sent to fucking bed with out a meal, just bad memories. You turned your cheek as i became my worst rival. You inherited me and I, from the meek. no words to speak, my scars are my bible.
As the wind whispers a fate's solemn message, i see a crumbling shadow and an unlearned lesson.
But i'm highly educated and under medicated. I am born of my thoughts and the nightmares they created as i was torn from the spot where the sun once radiated. I've spent a life on trial, you hung me with the jury. Got high till i was blurry and dropped me from the 3rd story of your self serving allegory. For not his laughter there'd be no more chapters. You paid everything but attention so now you don't matter. My burning bridge won't warm the cold shoulder. These scars are my bible, my motor. my drive. You're as dead as the sea that the waves skipped over.

view of the room.

When the sun invades my eyes and my vision's paralyzed there's no hindsight.
In the mortal shell i bathe on a wave of conception to the grave below's my mind's flight.
Carry on, in between where my thoughts are never seen. Carry on, tear the seam. fabricate the American dream. it's divine plight.

Through the cracks, through the walls. through the perpetual falls, as the soul begins to fade we erode beneath the clay and the rise of a new dawn nothing change's when we're gone.
 Through the lines of permanent, not welcomed by firmament in my twilight.
what was wrong cannot be right as i surrender to night. It's a highlight.
Through the cell, i escaped. the apparition hovers in wake and i shine bright.

Where the rain begins to fall and the water doesn't land, as the shadows cast a pall on the sins of every man.
There's no guide no helping hand, there's no preexisting plan. Just a wind  that saunters bye and a solemn, honest goodbye.
As i rise above the sun, i'm at peace and whole as one. I am all right. No more mortal shell restraints.
No more voices in my brain, i am finite. Carry on, i can see a transparent vacancy but i'm free. from the venom of the words, the sheep slaughtered in herds as the cauldron of life stirs. no more hate, no retribution. no disease no more pollution. eternal peace,  nature's solution i thank  GOD for evolution....it's a sign right?

broken dreams

dreams hit the sidewalk, and sputter toward the drain. you hit the ground running and then hit a wall. Shadow's remain as the imagery falls. tears in the ocean and darkening skies a pageant of failures and lone passers by. and i shudder to think of what's next. I'm stuck on a page with no text and i don't feel alive. I feel they don't hear me sincerely beneath quips and queries i've neglected you dearly. No, i don't feel alive............
see the dream break the dream break the dream break with the sun, into the sun. Burning, escape and the clouds can't negate burning sun, watch the blood run. scattered into condensed thoughts, and stomach knots.  But i matter not...
so come on and scribe this reality with a couple of lines and a dead battery. We can write all the wrongs and play cavalry. You can be my savior. And i won't let you down. Like my dreams let me down. ...
see the dream break the dream break the dream break with the sun, into the sun. Burning, escape and the clouds can't negate burning sun, watch the blood run. scattered into condensed thoughts, and stomach knots.  but you're the last real thing that i've got. so i'm gonna hold on. Like a pause , like a cause and blanket of flaws i'll hold on...to your dream.

when i can't sleep i imagine

my smile is a gateway drug. it's a mask I've grown to wear. There's electricity but no plugs, and the air in the darkness gets you higher than a scare. I can't love because you think i'm a monster. I can't feel because you're too close. They shriek at the thought of compassion, and weep as the soul gets morose. It's more than  a misunderstanding. Its a demonstrative back handing and my smile has been broken. Welcome to the real me. A capsized vessel in a dead sea. It gets stressful in this mental medley. a thousand thoughts per heart beat and you're the center of every. The nucleus . a palpitation's envy. I wanna coast through the essence of your words, and land in your thoughts where i'm safe from the trampling herds. The masses. the visions of panic, chaos and disasters. I wanna escape this global  misery. and scrape through the gravel till i'm resting in your lee.

a poem i wrote but too lazy to title

and i've got wounds for the wounds that never heal. and i've got words, so many words i cannot deal. You are gone but you won't go away. The sun is shining but the sky still gray. I'm hanging on..to forever and a day. Where have you gone? My sweetest of meadows. Where do you sleep when i lie awake? From the heavens, to a crumbling ghetto, i will wait. i will wait, i will wait.
beneath the hope of a dead god, i levitate beyond the fog,  the wind recites the epilogue , the girl and her 3 legged dog. They all lead me to every flaw that smashed the mirror when i saw. It's over now the harvest sown.  The echoes hushed, the seeds all grown. No turning back, no blood from stones. From the heavens to  demon's home. I will wait. but not alone. Between the words, beneath the wounds. The elephant has left the room. bye.