Autumn's Story

It Begins. Autumn and Katherine.
It was early. Feb 11th. Autumn got up and lit her cigarette. Another shit dream. Her room was cold. Her auburn hair tangled as she staggered to the bathroom. She flicked her cigarette in the toilet and wet her hair. Not up to trying she just put it in a ponytail and threw on a bandana. It was 10yrs to the day her beloved grandmother Katherine had passed. And each year she would visit her grave. a cigarette, a beer and her journal. She would talk and cry and laugh. She would leave a note sealed atop her headstone each year. A not of assurance to Katherine that she was okay. A note of thanks. Katherine was the light in Autumn's life. The only vestige of her true heritage.
Autumn's dad ( Katherine's son ) had left the picture when she was just 4 years old. Text book violent drunk who preferred the company of strange women to his own family. Her mom had zero self esteem so she lived and pretended everything was okay. She was good at hiding things. But on Dad's last night at home, she could no longer play Donna Reed. Dad came home after work already in the bag. Must have been 7 beers and 2 shots in because his words slurred and his right eye drooped. Autumn was intuitive even at 4. She knew the levels of her dads sickness. She knew the "punishment" depending on how much his eye drooped. She was scared that day. It was the middle of August and the air conditioner was broke. Mom was waiting for him to come home so she could work the night shift at 24 hour diner. It was shaped like an old box car and conveniently placed by some old train tracks. Terrific pancakes and home made syrup. Sometimes when Dad was happy he would take Autumn there to pick up mom in the morning after work and get her silver dollar pancakes and canadian bacon. Dad wasn't happy right now. Drunker than a fleet of sailors and sweating profusely he slammed the door and demanded a cold drink. " Honey, i told you to have this fucking thing fixed! Jesus Christ! is there anything you're good for?! Been 4 years and you still haven't lost the baby weight. Weren't for that little shit i'd be long gone. you 2 are the reason i fucking drink. "
Autumn knew he was speaking of her. She hurried to gather her toys and head to her room before his anger was fully focused on her. In her scramble she kicked over her cup of apple juice spilling all over the carpet. She was fucked! "Look what you did you stupid bitch! " grabbing the back of her neck like a dog and shoving her face in the puddle. " drink it up, drink that fucking juice to the last drop you clumsy fuck!" Mom pretended not to hear but dad took off the belt. It had the brass buckle with the Marlboro Man on it that dad had sent away for after gathering what seemed like 2 thousand cigarette box tops. He cracked Autumn in the jaw with the inside of the buckle, drawing blood. Still yelling at her to drink up. In shock Autumn didn't react which upset him more. Another thunderous hit with the buckle and she burst into tears and that wheezing cry that only happens when you can't breathe. Mom had enough. She smashed the hot coffee pot full of liquid on his head and hit him with her left hand so hard that he broke 2 fingers. He fell to the floor. Mom grabbed Autumn and locked her in her room. Dad crawled to the couch and passed out. Autumn's mom missed work that night as both lay in the same bed, eyes wide open, knife in hand and waiting for dad to kick the door down.
When morning finally came there was silence. Usually Dad would be held up in the bathroom choking from his chain smoking. Getting ready for work. Not a sound though. Autumn's mom peeked out. He was gone. The car, half his clothes and belongings. That would be the last they would see of him alive.
Katherine was the only one in the family who stayed close to Autumn. The only non drunk in the lot. A victim of abuse in her own day. She understood. She stayed with Autumn every night while mom worked. Singing Irish lullabies. Reading her stories and listening to Autumns dreams. Katherine was the only one who ever listened. Mom blocked out that awful night and kept going as it never happened. Her way of coping, but Autumn needed some affection. Katherine was that. Autumn felt so safe and loved when Katherine would share stories of her youth. Stories of overcoming her own adversity.
Over the years Katherine grew weaker from conditions she sustained while working over 50 years in the sheet metal factory. She had beat cancer twice but as she aged she couldn't fight this battle. She never let on to Autumn though. Even when when Autumn reached adolescence Katherine would still bring her fruit punch and chocolate chip cookies and they would talk about boys. Katherine couldn't make her normal Sunday visit. It was late January and she was weak. There was a Nor' Easter the day before and Katherine had Chemo. Normally she would take the bus over but during the storm the governor halted all public transportation for safety reasons. Autumn was worried. She trudged through the snow over 8 miles with the frozen snow hitting her face. Hitting the scar left from dad's buckle. When she arrived to Katherine's building she noticed her grandmother non responsive. Calmly she called for an ambulance and held on to Katherine for dear life until they arrived. She sang the same lullabies to her. Hoping she would hear. Hoping to provide some sort of comfort.
Katherine had been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. Her cancer had spread and the stress had caused her a stroke. If Autumn hadn't arrived when she did that day, her grandma would have been dead. Autumn came by after classes to visit with her. In and out of consciousness Katherine still glowed when she felt Autumn's hand in hers. When the nurses came in to change her bags she would proudly proclaim " this is my Autumn. She's my pride. My heart". Autumn fought to hold back her tears. She needed to be strong. Katherine was the only one strong for her so she felt it was only right to the the rock now. When Katherine would sleep, Autumn would stay in the hospital chair and quietly cry and pray for Katherine's peace. She may have not be alert, but Katherine knew. She knew of Autumn's sadness.
It was now Thursday. February 11th. Autumn got the call that they had taken her grandmother to the local hospice. She knew this was going to be it. Sprinting from her class and to her moms car outside they sped across 6 blocks. Arriving at 11:20 am Autumn quickly composed herself. Brushed away her eye liner and put on the smile she inherited from her mom. Walking into the room she held onto Katherine, but she could no longer hold herself. She burst into tears and went into her full on wheezing cry. "sorry, sorry, sorry Grammy. im supposed to be strong. im supposed to be strong. I love you! i love you Grammy!" Katherine had not but an ounce of strength but she held Autumn back and mustered up the lung capacity to whisper into Autumn's ear. " You are strong my dear. You are my sweet, beautiful warrior. You gave me a happiness that i never knew before. I love you sweet Autumn....Tura Lura". And Katherine took one giant gulp of air and took it with her. Autumn stood still what seemed for hours. Her mom, for the first in her life let down her guard and shed a tear. It was a quiet ride home. And a quiet 10 years.
Now with beer in hand, cigarette in mouth and tear in eye. Autumn sat with her grandma. She left a note like she always does. Because only Katherine understood, only Katherine listened. Only Katherine knew her pain.
Autumn buttoned up her jacket and headed back towards her apartment. Cutting through the dog park to avoid the cold air and the drunks outside the consignment shop begging for change. Walking towards the pond and the adjacent path that led her home Autumn heard a voice. A familiar voice. Unsettling. Autumn kept walking trying to escape the voice and the memories it echoed...................
Autumn's Paintings:
Autumn couldn't wait to get back to her apartment. She needed a distraction. A big one. That voice awoke something in her that she didn't like. Once home, she lit a cigarette and put on some relaxing music. Needing to decompress she got out her art supplies. Oil paints, easel, canvas. When under duress Autumn painted. It had been something she'd learn to do to escape the madness at a very young age. As a child she remembers waking up extra early on Saturday mornings to watch Captain Bob on Channel 5. He was a sea captain who taught kids to draw and paint step by step. Each week a new aquatic animal or some form of marine life. Seascapes and such. Autumn loved when he would draw dolphins! Some times she would turn up the t.v. and scribble frantically when she knew dad was angry and was hurting mom. It was a lot to grasp at 4. Mom tried to tell her it was okay but Autumn sensed otherwise. It was a good thing he left the picture.
For years Autumn would paint, and draw routinely. It was truly her release for when she felt like losing it. She wanted to hold it together. She was definitely determined not to be the cliche. The abused child who took up drugs and alcohol or sex and violence. She wanted to spite those who had tried to misshape her along the way. So she painted. And she began creating the most beautiful works. When Katherine grew sick she made her this Dali like painting of the Rocky Mountains with eagles hovering as if they were playing hopscotch on the clouds while lions watched on the telescopes . Katherine loved the mountains and Dali. Autumn was able to give her the present before she passed. A little bit of solace for Autumn. In her memory she painted a black and white portrait of her grandmother that she has taken with her everywhere in life. Looking over her, even now in her apartment as she started to paint again.
This painting was a little darker as most of Autumn's art had evolved to that side as she lived. She painted a sad girl pleading for help in a crowd of dozens while she was torn apart by wolves. The people in the picture were not phased. Some had head phones, were reading the paper or jogging. Not one person she painted even acknowledged the girl. And from the detailed lines on her face you could tell Autumn was trying to show the extreme distress the girl was in. From beyond the clouds, barely visible in the painting were Autumn's eyes. Looking on, filled with rage. She stopped and sighed. Pleased with her work she sat back, lit a cigarette and let the dark feelings go. This is how Autumn coped. Just one of many of Autumn's paintings......
Another year crossed off the list. Had been 10 since Katherine passed. Autumn now 24 and happily alone; put out her cigarette and took one last glance at her painting before getting cleaned up and heading to bed. "fuck February 11th" she whispered as she lay hoping for a night without shit dreams. Mozart No. 9 and the passing of the city buses lulled her to sleep. A smile in her dormancy as her dreams had taken the night off.

Autumn's Anxiety
After a well needed night of sleep Autumn awoke refreshed. She felt a nice calm. She grabbed a nice hot shower and got ready for work. She worked in a local coffee shop just a couple miles from her apartment. This suited her well because she enjoyed to cycle. The shop was called "Freudian Sip". It was a relaxing atmosphere for her and she was allowed to hang and sell some of her art. She really enjoyed their support for local artists. Also the extra income helped her to make rent since she lived alone and coffee shops aren't really good paying jobs. But it was a job she needed. She had such bad panic disorder that it was hard to function in the normal 9-5 rat race. She tried once after High School working as an administrator but she felt confined. Being in a closed in space made it hard for her to breathe. Hard to think. She had racing thoughts. Dozens of movies playing in her head in unison. Images of so many horrors she had witnessed all mixed up like an bloody kaleidoscope. And being stuck behind a desk was no help. She needed to move around. She survived 6 months and quit.

This didn't stop her anxiety attacks but she worked at putting herself in situations where they would be less likely. She tried to manage on her own. So many demons, so many trauma's, so many cries lost in hands that gripped her throat. "Freudian Sip" was great. Alot of the staff were similar to her. Unique. Intuitive, and all kinds of fucked up. The owner an old artist who had one two many trips in his day. He let her come and go as she pleased. He loved her art. Praised her work and didn't constrain her talents. He saw something special in her. Marty was a great boss to her. Aside from Katherine, he was the only one who would listen. Actually sit and soak in her words. And always a strange antic-dote. "don't let the absence of color in a butterfly wing distract you from the beauty of her flutter Autumn." That was her favorite little quip of his. it made her smile. She had quite a pretty smile when she chose to show it. An attractive girl of 5 foot ten. Fairly athletic build as she cycled most places.

Today's shift was dragging. So Autumn started working on the poster art for the upcoming poetry reading at the shop. She was actually going to share a few of hers. This would be the first time in the 6 years there she had agreed to share. Deathly afraid to emote in any fashion but Marty encouraged her with a simple " just pretend they don't know english. it'll be like you're talking to plants and tree frogs."  And he pointed to some of the aloe plants and cacti he had around the shop. Secretly she was excited. Anxious as all hell, but excited. She had shared her paintings for so long but to share her voice and her words was a huge step. The Reading was in 4 nights so she headed out of work early to get the posters copied and hung around the area. Her favorite army pants, and black t-shirt...she took off on her bike. Suddenly hitting the breaks as a chevy camaro screeched infront of her and stopping just before a collision. She slammed on the hood of the car. "What the fuck!!?" she scowled. Looking back at her was a pair of eyes that froze her. That strong, independent woman flashed back to a scared girl. The numbness ran up the side of her leg up to her head. She was gasping, still frozen. The eyes still stared her down. First the voice from yesterday and now this. Autumn was terrified beyond words, and she had none. The movies played in her head for what seemed like hours. Car still not moving. Images of her as a child, the sound of her screams, the broken glass, the leather glove, the hunting knife....Autumn stopped her thoughts and regained focus. She gave the driver a look back more vengeful than the eye's she had painted the night before. Her head titled gently off to the side as she snapped out of it and sped off on her bike. It was if she saw a ghost. And soon, he would.
Autumn's Dream
Autumn pedaled like hell to the printing shop without looking back. Her long auburn hair half in her face and terrified she arrived at the printing shop. She needed to get these posters copied. She didn't wanna let Marty down. He was a giant of a man at 6 foot 4 and what seemed close to 300lbs but as gentle budding flower. He would have understood her not making copies but Autumn put her emotions to the back as usual and made the copies. Her favorite was the one where it was just Marty peacefully smiling and the info for the poetry reading shaved into the giant nest of a beard that he wore. Autumn was certain he hadn't cut it since the 1960's. She hung the posters on all the community board down town and at the state college in the city. She kept a good pace to avoid nightfall and made it back to the cafe in time to hang the last couple posters on the wall and doors. Marty could sense unrest in Autumn and asked if everything was okay. "I'm fine. Just came up on a corner really quick and nearly ate shit into traffic, but i'm good nonetheless. See you tomorrow Marty?" " See you tomorrow Autumn. Watch for those turns, they can be pivotal!" She snickered and pedaled home.

She felt relieved to be back in her comfort zone. She heated up some leftover Thai food and plopped herself infront of the television for some mindless entertainment. She quickly skipped past the news stations because she couldn't stand that shit. All the depression and darkness being reported by anchors who were so eager and proud to deliver such awful news to a fear driven public. And the fucking weathermen with their hard-ons for natural disasters.  Autumn put on Law & Order. She liked the police dramas because the stories were harsh but at the end of the show the bad guys always got locked up or killed by the cops.

A couple hours later and Autumn had to force herself away from the television so she could clean up her place a bit and get started on some writing for the poetry event. She was torn because their was a great program on the Discovery Channel about elephants gone mad and running rampant on crowds at the circus. Autumn turned the tv off before she got sucked in.

She got her self nice and relaxed and zoned in to her writing. When painting or writing the entire world could be ablaze and falling apart around her and she wouldn't have an inkling. When she was locked into to something creative and from the depths of her soul nothing else in the universe existed. It was just Autumn.

She needed to get it out of her system before she could move on. She hated leaving things unsaid, or canvas uncovered. When she was finally done with what she had written it was nearly 2 am. She felt proud about what she had wrote so she took her nightly xanax and head for bed.

Autumn was out. She found herself caught in the strangest of memories. It was like she were watching a movie of herself. She was in the pool hall watching a 15yr old Autumn minding her own and playing some arcades. She remembered this now. The college boys would take up all the good pool tables and smoke cigarettes as they bragged about getting "fucked up" and what a slut this girl or that was. The boys always flirted with Autumn but she paid them no mind. This day young Autumn was irritated. A fight with mom earlier that day. what it was about really didnt matter but Autumn wasn't in the best of moods. The oldest of the boys ( Jerry) approached her while she was playing her game and did his usual grab towards her ass. This time young Autumn turned and told him to go Fuck himself. He laughed and yelled to his 4 buddies that someone was a little feisty today. " we like feisty" he shouted to his buddies as they all laughed. Young Autumn flipped them all off and left. On her walk home the side walks grew longer and the birds began flying away. Autumn still watch on in her dream as the memories raced back to her. The boys drove up to young Autumn and heckled her as she walked. Driving at her walking pace they would not let up. She sensed this was more than just some bullying so she started to walk faster through a neighbors yard to avoid them. Autumn watch on and screamed "LOOK OUT!!!!" for she knew what was going to happen. Jerry and another boy had jumped on young Autumn. A knee in her back so she wouldn't move and a hand on her mouth so she couldn't scream. Dragging her back to the car they shoved her in as she kicked and punched. The sky was black and purple and the clouds were crying. The car sped off and Autumn then saw herself, beaten and nearly passed out on an old mattress in their Frat house basement. There was a small light bulb lit but you could barely see a thing. Autumn looked on as the boys taunted her, groped her, spit on her. She tried to wake up. She didnt wanna see any more. She'd already fucking lived it once! The boys took turns. On top of her they would choke her. Jerry used a hunting knife to rip her stockings and skirt. Young Autumn tried to fight but the 5 of them over powered her. The rape and torture must have lasted 2 days but it felt like an eternity. Young Autumn screamed for help, begging for anyone or thing to hear her. Begging them to stop. Wheezing while crying they laughed and burnt cigarettes on her inner thighs. The room began to shake. Autumn knew this was more than a dream. This was a memory she had been running from. And here she was, watching it all over again. Seeing herself helpless and unable to stop it. She yelled to her younger self, she yelled at the boys. But she couldnt be heard. she couldnt be seen. She was trapped in here. The room shook even more as Autumn tried everything to wake herself up. Tried imagining happier things, but the more she tried the clearer the images were. Young Autumn bruised and beaten and worst of all ....helpless. The walls started caving in. Soon her thoughts stormed through the basement like a cyclone. With all its might Autumn was being forced to witness all the horrors she thought she had put behind her. Her dad beating her over and over, falling off the swing set when she was 3 because he struck her so hard in the back. Being forced to watch the revolving door of "step dads" beat her mom. Coming home at 17 and finding her mom had given up and was hanging from a ceiling beam. This tornado of trauma had just unleashed its fury into Autumn's dreams. The images flickering so quickly infront of her like dissipating light. The storm had destroyed the basement. The boys were gone and Autumn was looking at her younger self on the old mattress. Dried blood and semen on her legs. Ripped clothes and skin. Autumn yelled again hoping she would hear. And the unconscious girl sat up slowly and saw Autumn watching. Looking her straight in the eyes with rage and fire and dried mascara  she whispered..."Its time".
Autumn's Rage.
Autumn woke up in a sweat. A gut wrenching pain. Tears flowed from her wide open eyes. She was in shock. All those memories just laying out a full on assault of her. She had to take another xanax and gather herself. Her emotions were erratic. She remembered the cold table at the planned parent hood clinic and the dead stares she got leaving. The lonely ride home after. Those boys killed Autumn that day. She sat in her bed. Realizing how alone she truly was in this world. Not a soul to connect to, a soft hand to wipe her wet eyes, or a pair of tools to repair who broken heart. She was a maelstrom trapped in a body. All these years of torture, from others and from herself. She couldn't escape the emptiness. It hurt more than her dad's belt. Or those boys. The realization that you don't matter is the fatal blow to a dying soul. And Autumn was indeed, dead inside. She fell back asleep and had no more dreams.

The next day Autumn woke up and tried to shake off last night. She wrote a poem that morning. About a place so dark, so hollow. She thought by writing it, that it would leave her. She cleaned her self up and biked on to work. Hoping the ride and the day at work would keep her mind off things. She didn't say much all day. The other workers could sense she wasn't feeling right. Even Marty knew to keep his distance as she would normally sort herself out. That's what Autumn always did. She sorted herself out, because no one else would. Or could. She never even reported what Jerry and his 4 friends did. She knew her mom would make it all about her. And she didn't wanna get shipped out to some group home because her couldn't handle it. While working, Autumn did try to sort herself. Making little sketches on napkins in the down time. Thinking of more words for poems to read at Poetry Night. It may have just worked, because 8pm had rolled around and her day was over. She pawned her cold feelings off to Marty as just simple nerves about having to read poems infront of people the next night. He believed her. When Autumn needed, she could convince anyone ( even herself ) that she was okay.

It was a little warm tonight so Autumn took an extra long ride. Stopping to look at the ocean and smoke a cigarette. She could relate to the chaos of the oceans waves. Never knew how hard they would hit or where they would land. Autumn's mind was a bit chaotic tonight so she rode on. Through the center of town and by the library. She noticed the Camaro. The one that nearly ran her down the other day. There was that same man. Sitting in the car, smoking a cigarette. He noticed Autumn. She felt an eerie chill meander down her neck. Not wanting to let on, she slowly pedaled behind the library and headed toward the city commons. As she came out on the other side of the library there was the car. Blocking her way, headlights blinding. Slowly driving toward her, she got off her bike. The man got out. Lights out, car off. Autumn knew who he was. And he knew her. This wasn't a dream. This wasn't a post traumatic flash back. Jerry was looking her dead in the eye and before she knew it she was pinned against a brick wall. "My you've grown into such a beautiful woman. i didn't think you could get any prettier." Autumn was frozen. As helpless as that 15 year old girl held down to an old mattress. She couldn't talk. She didn't answer. He smelled like whiskey. He put his cold, calloused hand on her face and gently touched her. " i'm glad it's just you and me this time baby"..."NO!" she yelled. He just laughed and hit her. He was over 6 feet tall and definitely built. He grabbed that same hunting knife from his boot and put it to her throat. " No one's gonna save you, you worthless bitch. No one cared then. No one cares now. You should be fucking honored that anyone is showing interest in you right now. You should be thanking me you dumb fucking cunt. Now you're going to shut the fuck and do what i say". Her throat felt clogged with rocks. Her mind and body paralyzed. He started to kiss her neck. He used his knife to cut her stockings. Autumn started to panic. Her mind was going warp speed. Negative images shuddering across her mind. Jumping from one dark place to another. Images from her life, the beatings, the torture, the rape and neglect. It was all spinning inside her fucking head like a deranged vortex. She was losing touch with what was going on. She could only feel him rubbing against her. The thoughts slowed down and she saw young Autumn. She heard the whispers from the dream. " it's time...it's time....it's time. She could see young Autumn with black corneas and burning pupils..."IT'S TIME AUTUMN....UNLEASH THE FUCKING PAIN!!!!!". Everything went slow. Autumn abandoned emotion as she kneed Jerry in the groin. He clenched a fist to strike her but she had his knife. Ripping the blade across his eyes, he screamed. Autumn wasn't phased. Slowly, and with a uneasy calm she walked toward the back pedaling rapist. The knife jammed into his stomach as she twisted over and over. She could feel bones crack. She could feel his warm blood pouring on to her hands. He looked Autumn in the eyes as if he were begging for mercy. She stared right through him, straight to hell and jammed the blade right down his throat. Blood came up as Jerry went down. Autumn sighed and smiled as she punted his skull with her steel toe boot.........He was dead and Autumn, Autumn had just been reborn!
Autumn's Poem.
She stood over the body. His blood dripping from her hair. She circled him like a lion admiring its catch. A major weight was lifted from her. Slowly walking around the body. Knife dangling like a baton as if she were in a marching band. Autumn wasn't done yet. Still with the image of his cold hands violating her body, clawing apart her purity. Autumn took the hunting knife and cut each of his hands off at the wrists. Blood flowed like her emotions as her rage was in full motion. She placed the severed hands on his crotch and took off slowly with her bike by her side.

She stopped by the 24hr car wash and hosed down her bike and boots. Soaped the entire concrete pad so there was no trail of blood. Autumn returned home still on a slight high from destroying one of her demons. She was also grounded enough to know this wasn't some t.v. show and she needed to destroy any evidence. She stripped naked and threw her clothes and boots into a giant trash bag. Showering off the blood and sweat. Washing clean of that awful memory, Autumn used an entire bar of soap to scrub herself. Feeling cleansed inside and out she scrubbed her bathtub with bleach to eliminate all traces of blood. She was very methodical. It was if she were doing her regular weekly cleaning. Clean clothes on clean skin Autumn made a bunch of tuna sandwiches, threw them into a paper bag and took off on her bike to the old train station. This is where most of the towns homeless stayed at night. Sitting around a bonfire, clinging to what little they had because the junkies liked to come by when they slept and swipe their stuff and pawn what they could for a fix. Autumn hated fucking junkies with a passion. Weak, pathetic scum. Lower than bottom feeders. She handed out sandwiches to the homeless around the rusty barrel with the fire. They were comfortable around Autumn because she would often stop by after work and give them any left over muffins and scones from the coffee shop. They were happy to have something eat. And paid no mind when Autumn threw the plastic bag and its bloody contents in the fire. She chatted a bit with Dean who was kind of the elder there. An old Korean war vet turned hippy.  She loved his stories of  the protests in the 60's. He was still a strong man for his age and Autumn always sat in awe when he told her favorite story about the time he took down 2 riot team officers in New York City for hosing down a female war veteran. He spent the weekend in jail but the judge let him off because several people including other officers said the 2 riot pigs were far out of line. And Dean said that this was also in a time where people actually respected veterans. Autumn sat and listened till she was certain the clothes in the bag were burnt to ash. She said goodnite to them all as she pedaled off into the shadows. Back home to write and prepare because tomorrow was the big poetry reading.

Finishing up a few lines to a poem she had started earlier Autumn took her xanax and fell asleep. A look of peace on her slumbering face. Her pale irish skin glowed and she breathed easy that night. Even the moon seemed relaxed.

Morning came. Autumn took her time getting up. Her shoulder a little stiff but she hadn't felt this good in ages. She headed out to grab a coffee and the news paper. She was curious to find out about Jerry. She hit up her work for the coffee and grabbed a paper from the machine out front. " No time to chat Marty, i got poems to write! See you later big guy!" . And she sped off as quickly as she'd arrived. Rushing up the hall stairs and into her apartment. She took a few deep breaths and slowed her mind down. There it was, front and center. "Local Man Beaten And Stabbed To Death Behind Library". There wasn't too much detail as to who the man was or the specifics of the crime as it was less than 12 hours ago. But Autumn knew the police were investigating. Oddly enough she wasn't worried. There was no connection to her and Jerry. She never reported the rape, they were never friends or even school mates. She was anxious to see what the police would uncover. Time would tell. Autumn sipped her coffee as she went over the poem she was going to read later. Putting last night out of her mind until she heard a quiet whisper. "thank you Autumn." A vague yet familiar image ran her fingers through Autumn's hair and disappeared in the walls. Young Autumn was still with her. And never again would Autumn let herself be hurt.

It was getting dark and after a long day of writing, rewriting, and mixed emotions Autumn was set to go to the poetry reading. She still had a bit of fire in her eyes and a new found power in her soul. Not all that nervous to read infront of others. She did her hair nice, with curls. Wore a crimson blouse and a dark grey skirt. Net stockings and her new black boots. She sat and listened to the other poets. Some went on rants about things they had no clue about. A few lame hipsters just jumbled a bunch of "big" words together and tried to sound like Bob Dylan. One girl read a poem that really caught Autumn's interest though. A poem of a girl who cried out but no one listened. Autumn hung on to this girls every word. And she couldn't help being captivated by her beauty. Tall as Autumn, slender. Pale skin and dark eyes. A hurt look like young Autumn. She has seen this girl around the Cafe but NEVER like this. The poem really moved her and she had made a point to approach her before nights end. Her name was Lynn.

After a couple more contrived dribble from some fake goth kids Autumn got infront of the microphone. Partially seated on the stool behind her. Note book open to the page. She felt nervous all of a sudden. A swift panic enveloped her. It was that feeling of numbness and darkness. Words scrambled through her head as she had prepared to read from her book. New words, surfacing like the ghosts of her past. Feelings suppressed took form into sentences begging to be uttered. She felt no remorse for her crime last night but she had feelings nonetheless. Feelings that came out when she fought back. And now she had words. And with a gentle sigh Autumn closed her notebook and put it down behind her. And she began speaking. A poem was born from her lips. She described the pain, the loneliness and emptiness that greeted her every day growing up. The walls she built and shadows she hid in. The shades of grey she swam in. The rage that burned. Speaking from her heart she felt the same freedom that she experienced the night before. She didn't mention last night or the events leading to it in her poem. But she mentioned the storms that encompassed her soul, that cemented her heart into the pits of her stomach. She finished the poem and quietly thanked everyone. "Thank you all. That was called 'Broken Window.' And my name is Autumn McKlaren. She caught a smile from Lynn and with a little awkward courage she sat in the chair next to her.
"it awoke inside me. Like a stone through glass. a surge of freedom. i burned the past. A fire that dwells. backlash from hell. I lost control as the shadows fell like my words on deaf ears. I had to avenge her.  a swath of blood followed us as they tried to end her. They filled her with poison until she couldn't remember. 5 on 1 i carried the weight. One on one and i unleashed the hate. Like broken glass on cobblestone the blood seeped in your body moaned. I saw red, i saw her. I became the ghost in my own whisper. Dead ten years, my soul covered in blisters. But have awoken with the night, i heard my cries, they all dismissed her. The weight is gone, the poison dry. There's broken glass falling from my eye. And in my stare i see her pain. And i'll keep fighting until I've washed the stain"
Autumn's Warmth
Autumn didn't know what to say to Lynn. So Lynn introduced herself and told Autumn that her poem was quite moving. Autumn nervously thanked her and told her how moving she thought her poem was.  They had small talk for a bit and admired one another's tattoos. Autumn felt somewhat safe around Lynn so she asked her if she would like to head out for a walk. It was night but Autumn didn't seem to mind. It was a warmer than normal Spring evening. They walked toward the ocean and shared war stories of years past. Lynn had a tough background. Being moved from foster home to foster home, each with a more hands on foster dad. Autumn really enjoyed Lynn. Not only similar backgrounds but values as well. Neither used their past as an excuse to get mired in a world of drugs and alcohol and promiscuity. Both wore their scars with a sense of pride and defiance to those who had hurt them.

It was getting a bit late and Autumn got up the courage to ask Lynn over to see some of her artwork. Lynn was glad to come. They sat up into the wee hours of the the morning sharing poetry. Lynn was highly impressed by Autumn's paintings. The only person who actually understood where they come from and what they meant. Autumn had finally found a person she could relate to. A person who listened and a person she could listen to. And in a flash both found them selves waking up on Autumn's couch late the next morning. Such strange and wonderful territory for Autumn to not be alone and to be able to let her guard down. A quick trip to the hall to steal the neighbors morning paper and Autumn put on some coffee for the both of them.

And a quick nudge back to reality as Autumn read the mornings head line. "Murder Victim had victims of his own." She read the story with no expression as to no alarm Lynn. Apparently Jerry had raped several other victims who filed reports. He always alluded arrest but DNA doesn't lie. On several of the rape kits his DNA had been found. And sickeningly he had done this to an 8 year old girl. Autumn held back a tear as she thought she could have saved these girls. She could have reported the rape. She could have stopped him sooner. But she also felt a sense of relief because she knew the police wouldn't waste their time looking for the murderer of a serial rapist. And since she never filed a report the police would have no idea who she was.

Still, she wished she stopped him sooner. She tossed the paper back in the hall and brought Lynn a cup of coffee. They talked a bit more. Mainly small talk as both had to head out to work. Lynn worked in an accounting office during the day. The exchanged numbers and made a plan to go on a nature hike of the weekend. A warm hug goodbye and Lynn was off.
Autumn hopped in the shower and let the tepid water hit her. Thinking about those girls. Thinking about Lynn. Thinking about all the hurt. That bit of rage awoke in her for a moment and she ripped the shower curtain down and grunted in anger. Confused, angry, sad and enamored, Autumn cleaned her self off. Got dressed and pedaled off to work. Trying to let go of the bad and focus on her new friend. Because for one night, one night in her life Autumn experienced warmth.
Autumn's Walk
Finally! the weekend was here. Autumn incredibly excited for her hike with Lynn. And to top it off it was a beautiful day out. Perfect late spring New England weather. Lynn was going to pick Autumn up by 9 am so she was up by 7. She had backed a bag with food and water and some smokes. Got on her  army pants and her favorite black tee with the 2 smoking guns on it. As she was putting on her boots she grabbed Jerry's hunting knife just in case and put it on her boot. Lynn arrived and came up for a cup of coffee and a smoke before heading out. She looked pretty cute dressed all rugged. Hair pulled up in a bun, some old jeans and a terrific t-shirt with Hello Kitty getting shot in the head.  Autumn laughed out loud at that. She appreciated a twisted sense of humor. They hit the road and headed up north on some back roads. Autumn knew of a good spot about an hour away with a decent trail and a small little mountain to climb. A brook at the end, and a cool fucking bridge where birds would come and eat seeds right from your hand.

They pulled at a little past 10:30. The air was crisp, not too humid but Autumn had her inhaler just in case. She learned a lot about Lynn. She wished she could be as open about her past. She admired that in Lynn. She told Autumn that she was still filled resentment about her parents choosing the junk over her. And the pricks in foster care who took her innocence. Her birth parents died in a police raid at some crack house when she was only 4. Already overdosed and half passed dead when the cops arrived. Lynn didn't go to the services. She never considered them parents. She never considered anyone her parents. Being moved from one scumbag foster home to another she pretty much learned to take care and fend for herself.  Lynn was jaded but hadn't completely given up. Autumn could sense that as she listened to her speak. Watched her walk with no pause or fear. She liked listening to Lynn a lot. Much like Autumn, she could tell no one listened to her either. After some lunch at the foot of the bridge they headed back for Lynn's truck. " That peace i felt, that trust as the birds ate from my hand. I want that peace all the time Lynn." " I know, me too. me too." And she took Autumn's hand as they walked back through the trail.

As they drove back Lynn tried to get out of Autumn some type of story. " What about your parents? They still around?".  " They were never around". Autumn smiled. as she gave a wink to let Lynn know she could relate. The rest of the ride was lighter talk. About music and books and things. Autumn had invited Lynn to come up for dinner during the walk so she came up with Autumn. Lynn was curious to see Autumn's paintings and read more of her poems so Autumn let her have at it while she prepared dinner. Lynn was really taken by Autumn's paintings. She could see her pain, see her past, see her torture beautifully laid out on canvas. Autumn brought her a plate full of stuffed shells and meatballs. "Wow, this is really good. I'm highly impressed!"  "i roofied your sauce" Autumn replied with an evil laugh. There was definitely a mutual admiration between the 2.

Lynn brought specific attention to one of Autumn's paintings. It was a hanging ghost dangling from telephone wire over a car wreck. The driver laid out and nearly decapitated with a red 'X' on his face and a bottle of whiskey in his cold dead hands. The ghost was trying not to look at the wreck, she had no ears. At the corner of the painting in the sky was a little girl sitting emotionless on a cloud holding a bottle of apple juice.

" Are these your parents Autumn?" Autumn looked at the painting. Studied it with a painful stare. And as if she were just a little girl again Autumn looked up at Lynn and nodded sadly to say "yes". The detail of the painting and the pain in Autumn's eyes told the story. Lynn didn't need to hear a single word. She took Autumn's arm and pulled her in. She held her. Not speaking a word, just feeling her heart beat. Gently running her fingers through Autumn's hair. Trying to comfort her, to let her she was free now. She kissed her forehead and whispered faintly " it's ok. its ok now. You're safe, you're loved, you're free." And the candle that decorated the coffee table faded out as Autumn faded into Lynn.
Autumn's Apocolypse
Over the next several weeks Autumn's relationship with Lynn really blossomed into something special. A deep spiritual connection between the two. Autumn's soul is in a nice period of contentment. She actually painted a picture of hope. Something not dark and traumatic. It was a gift to Lynn for her birthday. The background was bright colors. A summer sunset over a horizon draped in pink and orange clouds. 2 shadows walking together in the distance, 2 hands stitching a broken heart. Lynn was taken aback by the beauty and detail of the painting. She had no words, just tears. The first time a person feels love, true love is the most amazing and purifying feeling in the universe. And with both women, this was the first time they felt true love. An emotion that can be both liberating and dangerous. Especially given the climate in America in regards to same sex couples and the war on women. Autumn and Lynn kept their relationship private from most people. Lynn feared she would lose her job. Autumn didn't have to worry about Marty. His only concern was Autumn's happiness, and it brought him great warmth to see her come to work genuinely happy. Smiling and engaging others.

It was Thursday. Autumn stayed in for the night to do some laundry and cleaning. She watched "Dog Day Afternoon" ( Her favorite movie ) and folded clothes. She was excited to take Lynn out for a birthday the next night. Both had to work on her actual birthday ( Tuesday) so Friday was good. Autumn had reserved a table at an Indian restaurant downtown. Clay oven Tandoori chicken was Lynn's favorite. Chores done and xanax kicking in Autumn headed to bed. She found herself in a very strange dream. Inside of a courtroom with an alien judge and the jury all those who tormented throughout life. Even Jerry, unscathed. Mom and Dad sitting in the jury box healthy and happy. The court walls were painted in blood. The room echoed the chorus " sinner" as they all pointed at Autumn. A group of people from the local evangelical church sat in the gallery with pitchforks and signs. Jerry yelling "slut, murderer, dike!". Mom and Dad holding hands denouncing her as their child. The walls closed in, she felt an asthma attack coming on. The whole room turned on her. The judge about to rule when his head fell clear from his body. Standing behind him was the young Autumn. Looking stone cold in her eyes she whispered in her childlike voice..." they're coming for us. they're coming Autumn.."

Autumn woke up frantic. Not knowing where she was and if any of this was even real. It took a few moments for her to gain composure and realize it was just a dream. A bit shaken, she took another xanax and some deep breaths. After a good 45 minutes she finally fell back to sleep. No dreams. Breathing heavy in slumber for several hours until the sun sent its spires through the blinds in Autumn's window. She woke up relieved. It had been a while since she'd had a fucked up dream. She put on a pot of coffee and lit a smoke and tried to get the thought out of her head. Looking at the picture of her and Lynn sitting peacefully atop Mt. Manadnok on one of their hikes brought a calm back to her.

The day went by quickly after that and Autumn returned from work to get ready for Lynn's birthday dinner. She wore a beautiful sky blue summer dress and put her hair up. She was as beautiful as a harvest moon reflecting on a river at twilight. She walked the couple blocks downtown to meet Lynn who was as equally beautiful. Her hair down, skin glistening and a black dress. "wow" is all Autumn could say. "wow back at ya" quipped Lynn as she gave her a greeting kiss. They sat down to an incredible dinner. You could see their mutual love from a galaxy away as they both laughed and held hands. Autumn was telling the story of when she was 2 and her dad came home piss drunk with half dead flowers in a empty beer bottle and gave them to her mom for valentines day. "At least he remembered." joked Lynn. " It was May!" laughed Autumn.

The night was beautiful and warm. Early September but still feeling of late July. The took a romantic walk down to the docks and watched the seagulls hovering over waves waiting for their dinner. Autumn put her head on Lynn's bare shoulder and sighed in peace. This had to be the most perfect night in her life.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS DYKES!!" Both girls turned around quickly as Autumn got a sinking feeling. She held tight to Lynn's arm. There was a group at the beginning of the docks. Those fucking born again nutcases from her dream. The fucks from the church down the other end of her block. " God hates you!" one of the men shouted. " Get the out of our city! burn in hell with the rest of your kind, SLUTS!". The insults and hate grew stronger. Autumn and Lynn got up to walk away. The group had blocked the dock off as both girls tried to keep calm and walk past them. One of the men pushed Autumn as another spit in Lynn's hair calling her a dirty cunt. Autumn bounced back and connected a thunderous left hook on one of the men. There must have been 6 in total. Lynn shoved one down but they were out numbered. The ignorance was over powering though as both girls were quickly knocked to the ground. Hate and vitriol spewing from the men as they kick the girls. Autumn tried to muster strength to get up but each time she was greeted with a boot to the ribs. Her asthma had kicked in. Wheezing. Unable to cry. Lynn trying to cover Autumn from the blows but one of the men cracked the side of her head open with a stone. Autumn could see the life being beat out of the one true love she had in her life. She was being held down. "FUCKING PERVERTED SLUTS! ANSWER TO CHRIST WHORES!" As one of the men, an overweight mean spirited zealot sent Lynn's skull to the ground again. This time she stopped moving. Lifeless, Autumn saw as blood slowly started dripping from Lynn's ear. Autumn saw red. She herself was enduring a beating. To her the words felt worse and the sight of Lynn. Helpless. Crushed Autumn's heart. Her asthma and anxiety joined in on the beatings. Autumn fought so valiantly as she inched toward Lynn gasping her name. Blood now coming from Autumn's mouth. She saw no movement in Lynn and felt the rage. Her brow furled . Her eyes looked black, lunging with all her might towards one of her attackers Autumn had evil intention. Just as her hands reached the over weight mans throat she felt a heavy crack and sharp pain as a large piece of gravel was smashed over her head. Everything went black as the crowd spit on both women. Blood from both their heads formed a puddle between the two. And with the darkness came silence. Lynn not breathing, lifeless. Autumn out cold, blue dress now red......The sky opened up with a thunderous roar and the rain fell over their bodies. Before she faded completely Autumn saw a light. From it came Katherine and young Autumn. Both whispered in unison," No turning back Autumn. No turning back. And with a demonic rage in her eyes you Autumn kissed the limp bodies of both Autumn and Lynn and said, "it's time Autumn. It is time the world met Autumn's wrath!!"
Autumn's Wrath.
Autumn sat up quickly. She found herself in a hospital bed. The attending nurse explained she was knocked unconscious and suffered a minor concussion. They were going to keep her 24 hours under observation and to run some tests. In the meantime there were some officers who were waiting to ask her some questions about the assault. "Where's Lynn?!" she said before anyone could speak. "Miss McKlaren, we're afraid your friend suffered extreme neurological trauma. She under went surgery to repair broken skull fragments and right now is in a coma. It is too early to say either way. Is there anything you can tell us that you remember? anything about your attackers that would help us apprehend them?". Autumn looked over the young detectives, sizing them up. They seemed genuine and eager to help. "Everything is a blur detectives. I remember a larger, heavyset man but there's a hovering fog in my memory. i can't remember anything. i just want to see Lynn. Can i see Lynn?".  They asked her a couple of more questions which she couldn't answer and the nurse wheeled her down to ICU to see Lynn.

"Now Autumn, i just want you to warn you before we go in that door. She looks pretty bad. She's on a feeding tube and she's lost a great deal of blood. I can only give you a few minutes. I'll be right outside this door." And the nurse unlocked the doors to the ICU and Autumn wheeled herself up to Lynn's bedside.

Trying her hardest to remain composed, Autumn fell apart and burst into tears. To see her best friend, her true love. Laying lifeless, unresponsive and covered in bruises broke what little heart Autumn had left. She took Lynn's hand and held it in silence. Tears gently gathered on Lynn's hand as they flowed from Autumn's eye. All she could say is that she was sorry, that she wished they could switch places. For what may have been the first time in her life, Autumn leaned over and kissed Lynn's forehead and said " i love you. i really, and truly love you." she took a breath. " Please don't leave me. Please. I'll be by your side till you're better. I'll be by your side forever Lynn. If you make it through this we can get out of this shit town and start our lives together. Free, you and me can finally be free"...and she lost control of her emotions and just sobbed over Lynn. The heart monitor Lynn was hooked up to began beeping frantically as nurses and doctors burst through the door. "She's coding!" One yelled. "We're losing her!" A nurse pulled Autumn from the room. They had to sedate her. She grew enraged as they worked to revive Lynn. It all got foggy and when her eyes opened it was the next day.  She passed all her vital tests and was set to discharge. The only answer she could get on Lynn was that they were doing all they could. Autumn wasn't allowed back into the room because she wasn't immediate family. Stupid fucking laws.

There Autumn stood. Outside the hospital. Facing the uncertainty that Lynn could be dead. A bottle of Vicoden which she chucked as soon as she got in the cab home and an empty heart. That is what was left of Autumn. It was still early Sunday morning. Autumn part in shock, part in disbelief sat alone in her apartment holding the birthday card she was going to give to Lynn. It had 2 plane tickets to Los Angeles in it. They were going to start fresh. She had saved a good amount of money over the years with not owning a car and not  partying like most people her age. She stared at the tickets for a bit and cried herself to sleep. She dreamed of bricks melting around her. Thunderclouds hovering, sending lightning toward her. A nuclear winter all around. Debris coasted to the ground like feathers. The earth was engulfed in darkness. Autumn felt her soul leaving her as she saw an image of Lynn slowly walking towards a small flicker in the distance. Lynn couldn't hear Autumn's calls. She just kept moving toward the light as the darkness grew stronger. That feeling in the pit of her stomach. Like thumb tacks being juggled inside a water balloon. She saw Lynn look back and blow a kiss, and then was gone. Autumn let out a roar like a possessed demon. Lynn was the last bit of humanity in Autumn's soul. The last vestige of hope. Autumn saw her young self in a black dress holding dead roses. Holding young Autumn close was Katherine, draped in a black veil. Katherine spoke in a soft and telling tone. "Autumn, i am sorry for what your world has made you endure. I am sorry i wasn't there longer. I'm sorry they didn't listen my sweet. I'm sorry they left you an empty shell, vulnerable to the powers of darkness. You tried so hard. I watched you fight, overcome and move forward. And then i watched as evil being after evil being sucked the very life out of you. No remorse in them. But you kept getting up Autumn. You kept getting up. And i was proud. You received your reward in the true love you found and now they've taken that away. They've left you alone and for dead. Now is the time. The time to stop hiding. The time to make THEM listen. For all your cries that went unanswered it is time to make them listen. It is time for them to answer, Autumn. And when you feel the darkness encompass you, know that it is a necessity in order for you to embrace the peace and joy of the light that awaits. Embrace your darkness Autumn, open your eyes and make them all listen! and then come home to the light, to where you are loved. To where you belong. Use the darkness Autumn, take back what is yours."  Katherine and young Autumn then slowly walked back into the dark fog. A faint whisper from above.."open your eyes love. open your eyes." And Autumn awoke.

It was late afternoon that Sunday. Autumn got dressed. Her Army pants, a black tee underneath a black Dickies work shit and all black Chucks. She grabbed her hunting knife and went for a walk.

The cool air did her good. She felt calm. Visiting Katherine at her grave. Giving the head stone a soft kiss. She walked through the park and into down town. It was dark now. She stopped by the library and lit a cigarette and sat on the steps. She watched a couple drunk college girls stumble by followed by a couple of frat boy types. Stupid Abe Lincoln beards and irish cabby caps. One of them noticed Autumn and said " What's a pretty girl like you doing out this..." Before he could finish his stupid sentence Autumn sprung on him like a lion. Dragging him by the throat behind the library where Jerry had tried to rape her again. She jammed the knife into his stomach and twisted it around as he gargled on his own blood. His buddy came back and saw what happened. He ran toward Autumn but she had become unhinged. The darkness enveloped her. No expression, no remorse she jammed the knife into the side of the other boys throat. As he fell to the ground she stomped the back of his head on the curb and jammed the knife into his heart letting out a primal grunt as  she sent him to his maker. A quick glance back over her shoulder and Autumn walked away. She had just begun.

She walked methodically towards the church. She knew evening prayer was going on. She stood in the shadows of the steeple. The only light was the moon's reflection on her knife. She could see inside the window. People laughing, dancing and having a good time. Those same people who laughed and danced as the left her and Lynn in a pool of blood. She didn't wanna wait for the service to end. She burst through the back door. She recognized one of the men who attacked her and went for his throat. With all the force and rage of a thousand hurricanes, she ripped his head clean off his body as the others looked on. Autumn paced toward the now frightened congregation. She had chained the padlock to the main entrance out front before she burst in. She wasn't about to let anyone go. A man on either side lunged at her " Not tonight you fucking dyke. You won't win this battle." Autumn , kept walking forward towards the alter where the larger man was. The one who struck Lynn. As one of the men tried to grab her she reached around, grabbed his harm and bent it straight. His bone snapped and she pulled the shoulder from the socket. The other man who lunged backed off quickly. She wanted the big man. The other members stood in complete shock. He sat by the alter and begged. He tried to explain he was only doing gods work. doing gods will. That he was trying to save her because she was living in sin. Autumn picked up a porcalain bust of the virgin mary and smashed his head. Blood poured out like a broken faucet. She reveled in his pain. She took the knife and jammed it into his chest. Maneuvering it around until there was a hole big enough. With her free hand she pulled his heart out and showed it to the remaining congregation members who were completely still and writhing in fear. She threw the mans heart to the floor and spit on it. " You say i sin. I wanted love. I loved. You took that away. You ruined my purity. You turned my heaven into a ghost town. You killed me. You killed my soul mate. Your intolerance shed our blood. Your hatred allowed the darkness to find a home in me. And that darkness would not exist for not centuries of your hate and murder and war. Your raping and beating of women. People who don't do as you command in the name of a false idol. I am YOUR intolerance and i am here to take you to the man you wrongfully quote. The one whose name you act out atrocities under. Putting words into a mouth that has never breathed a breath of the air you poisoned with your vitriol. This is a preview of your hell. Eye for a motherfucking eye!!!"  And Autumn poured the oils from the pulpit lamps and set the church ablaze as she escaped from the back. This time not glancing over her shoulder. She felt the flames grow weaker as she walked further. She heard the screams, the flames on the flesh like a whip on rawhide. And then silence. Autumn smirked and headed home.

She passed out. Every last ounce of energy  had been expended unleashing 24 years of rage. When she awoke it was Monday evening. Her clothes smelled of death. She made sandwiches and packed the evidence the same as before. She chatted up the homeless down by the fire. Still stoic. No remorse but a sense of freedom and peace. They all discussed the big church fire as if she had no part. She faked concern so well as they ate their tuna sandwiches. She took one of the papers from a homeless man and read the article of the fire. It was obvious there was foul play but the police mentioned nothing of suspects or leads. Autumn knew it could come back to her. She really didn't care. She lost everything. And in her mind, she was already dead. She remembered the plane tickets. Her and Lynn were to fly out tomorrow. Early flight outta Logan. Straight shot, no lay overs. Autumn went home and packed. Still in a darkened haze, she managed to put just one bag together. She held on to Lynn's ticket and shed a tear. Clinging to a shirt that Lynn had left one night, she fell asleep for a few hours. Before she was set to leave she called the Hospital one last time. She was told that Lynn was on life support and it didn't look promising. Her brain was pretty badly damaged. Autumn slammed the phone down. She showered combed her hair and put on something cool as it was a very warm morning. 83 degrees in September. Perfect blue sky, yet all Autumn saw was red. She took the train to Logan. Cloaked in uncertainty. Even her rage couldn't hide her fears. The dust may have settled, and the ashes cooled but Autumn still burned inside with sadness and despair. Confusion and emptiness. As she sat in the American Airlines boarding terminal she felt a small bit of life enter her. It entered her through a very uneasy, and ominous feeling she got when noticing several men frantically pacing and chanting in a different language. Something wasn't right. Autumn's inner struggle between the darkness and light had been overcome by this feeling around these men. She walked out of the terminal, and the airport. She saw a flash of Lynn running free with her dog as a little girl. Autumn got on the Greyhound bus instead and began that long slow road out west. That unknown road where she was hoping she might discover which Autumn she really was. All she knew for certain was that all those who perished in the prior days were victims to her wrath. A wrath she fought so hard to suppress until they caused her to boil over. That uneasy feeling left her body as the bus drove away. Something about those men, Something evil in them.