I never understood stalkers. All that effort. All that time. I just can't. That's too much. I am tired just thinking about the energy a stalker expends in pursuit of a restraining order. Why go through all that? In the history of stalking has there ever been a case where the person falls in love with the masturbating guy in the bushes below her bedroom window? I am not cold hearted. I know what it's like to love, be in love and yearn. But the effort these stalkers go through is like a bottle of Xanax to me. A fucking hammock full of Ambien. With the internet stalking has been made that much easier too. But even doing all that research on someone is way too daunting. I would prefer to the internet for what it was meant to be used for: Wrestling websites, and buying things that don't involve me having to leave my apartment. I am not a recluse though. I'm just writing this so that every one knows that i am not a stalker. I am an AVOIDER.
If I'm in love with you, you will never hear from me, or see me. I am so lacking in effort that you may not even exist. I don't like heights so there's no goddamn way I am climbing a ladder to watch you brush your hair through your bedroom window. You probably have something shitty on the t.v. that would distract me from watching you brush your hair anyways and I would have wasted a courageous effort on Montel Williams selling life insurance.
I won't send you weird love shit in the mail either. Mainly because postage is expensive and i hate going to the post office because they always look at me like i ate their puppy, but I'm not even Vietnamese. Since I don't follow you online i don't even know what you like anyway. So i could send you something that you'd completely hate, or possibly be allergic too. You could die. I don't wanna kill though. I just wanna copulate with you and talk about X-Men. I love you, I just don't care. So I'm keeping my stamps to myself.
If you are a musician, or other artist that i love don't be alarmed. As much as I'm a fan of yours and know all your work front to back, I'm an avoider. To show you how much i love you I won't die for you. I will not make a video from an empty apartment proposing to you with a ring I stole off my dead grandmother while i plan out our future. I don't want a future with you. That would require disillusion.That's not who I am. Yes, if you ever wanted to copulate on your tour bus I would be ok with that, but it would require all your effort and none of mine. Basically you'd have to be Bill Cosby to get me to have sex with you. To further show i love you, when you're playing a show in town i go the bar next door and listen through the muffled walls just so i don't have to see you. Hell, you may be dead right now and I would have no idea because i don't search your name on Google every 18 seconds. If that isn't real love and dedication, then i don't what is. So please stop thinking that I'm thinking about you.
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