Normal side of depression.

With suffering from a borderline personality disorder you experience all emotions at their most extreme. Even the normal feeling. That is what i am feeling at this very moment so i need to capture it to compare and contrast.
So many times i find myself fighting certain thoughts out of my head. Mentally pushing them off a cliff because i don't wanna think that way. I don't wanna say what i think in most of those instances. That constant war in my head is extremely taxing on an already depleted soul. I can't stress the agony enough. You've got thoughts of suicide, rage, hopelessness, lunacy, anxiety, doom, absurdity, loneliness, fear, the yearning for seclusion, self hate. All fighting for sole custody of your mind. 24 hours a day. Each feeling and thought screaming over the other. Pulsating the shit out of my temples. Whatever thought wins for that moment are the words that I say and or write for that moment. Today I am balanced. The feeling i wish i could have everyday.
I see things with so much clarity and feel like an actual, functioning adult of 36 years old.
My sense of empathy comes to the forefront and I'm able to act on reason rather than emotion.
I would assume that's how most people operate naturally on a day to day basis. I enjoy this short window of being to articulate a point without the extremity of any side of my personality hijacking my intent.
This doesn't mean i don't stand by what i say. Or stand by how i act and think. It's all in the delivery though. I've always considered my mind a messenger of chaos. Beneath an insult, improper joke, angry jerking of the knee, lies my message. And today has been great because i could get every word out with full clarity. It may be less entertaining or amusing to others, but i can't help but savor the moment. And I learned from moment's past that i can't take these normal days for granted. I used to analyze them, and rack my brain on ways i could recreate this feeling every single day. In doing that, i wasted a completely normal day.
Today was far from a waste. I woke up well rested. I was able to have 2 cups of coffee and get all of my stretching in before work. It was a solid, and accomplished day on the job. And i really felt accepted when I was noticed and thanked for specific tasks i completed. Especially when my boss looked to me for feedback and advice on a work related situation. Little things like feeling wanted really stick with me. As much as it's important to be an individual, and be content and secure in your own actions, the acknowledgment from others makes a huge and positive impact on my day.
The normal side of depression is a great time to truly appreciate being alive despite some of the not so pretty people, and feelings that attack you on a constant basis. My mind has been moving at a Sunday drive's pace. There's nothing ahead of or behind me. No tripping over thoughts as i navigate the landmines that my self destructive side planted in haste. Today there is no haste. There is no haste. I feel so free.
Not everything about depression is bad.